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| I've been trying to catch up on some friends and family. Since coming back I've been doing so much farming I think the dirt stuck under nails has become perminent. My dearest Susan is coming back into town and we're gonna paint the town. Derrick is coming back for Tes' wedding and I'm hoping we'll all be able to do some fishing like back in the day. Chee from Canada is back also! Its good to catch up on friends and reaffirm your connections with the people. Sometimes we all become disconnected because of life events that are out of our control. The season is changing already; although its late summer I can already feel autumn coming in. The girls and I are planning on having one last big trip before school starts and we all continue life's rat race. I'll take photos and draw some more soon. | | |
| So its 7:16 AM and I'm in a bitchy mood right now cause a lot of it rubbed off of my sister and now I just have to blog it out into cyberspace. I've been up having a night out with the sis and friends. I've done nothing to her, I stayed out of her way; in fact I even given her money to spend to have a good time with her friends. And all of a sudden my sister decides she isn't having a grand ol fantabulous time and starts to make a scene out of it. Not only is it socially awkward, but she insists shes NOT a mood killer and that shes NOT trying to rub her PMS emo self onto others.
I think she convinced herself that shes right about this one. I always try to wait until we're in private to let the private matters flow, but she doesn't really have to say anything to anyone for us to know she's having a bad time on her own accord. But, alas.... I am made to be the horrible brother for bringing up the point when her friends try not to hurt her feelings not addressing the topic. I try to remedy her sour mood with jokes; and yes, I even buy her food, cigs, and drinks. Why? So she'll shut the fuck up and really just have a good time with her friends. Instead, her friends come over and we joke, laugh, and talk while my sister makes herself the obvious outcast by throwing tantrums. She'll physically stand away, cross her arms, and give everyone a "fuck you" kind of stare. When asked if she wants anything or would like to join she'll not only decline, but be a bitch about it.
Sis and I are usually close. But I don't think PMS should be an excuse for not exercising common sense. I feel like one of them parents with a screaming 5 year old at the store. Not only am I embarrassed for her, but for all of us. I mean, come on... we're all having a good time with each other. We're trying to be good sports about all of this. We're passive to the subject but god damnit to fucking hell... I shouldn't entertain you and entertain your friends all because you have a sudden change of mood. I don't mind entertaining guests and friends, but I shouldn't have to cater to anyone's bad mood swings as if somehow I am responsible for them.
oh and another thing....
Last night she took a 5 hour nap at 8PM and somehow expected that I knew to wake her up because she was intending on having only a 1 hour nap. She didn't mention anything, never left a note, never told me beforehand. So at 1 in the morning she comes kicking and screaming at me demanding an explanation why I didn't wake her up at 9. I was somehow supposed to know that I was going to drive her to Walmart to buy her a new pillow because she's having difficulty sleeping. Wtf, right... if you're having a hard time sleeping then why'd you knock out THAT long? Who the hell made up the agreement that'd I would buy her a pillow in the first place? Seriously, I really don't get her sometimes because she's not making much sense with her anger burning a hole into my sanity.
It's like Beyonce's song, "If I were a boy" and theres that one lyric "I make the rules as I go along." My sister seriously made up the rules and convinced herself that I owe her that much. I mean come on, be reasonable. If you need something, ask. If you want to address something, tell me in private or at the right time and in the right manner. Because I didn't wake her lazy ass up in an hour doesn't mean I somehow magically owe her a brand new pillow, right? I can tell her many times to tone down her voice and to tone down her emo self especially among guests; but the moment I rebuttle back, I somehow magically break out of my cocoon and out comes this Godzilla of a horrible brother. I mean come on, I really did try to talk, make her feel apart of her own friends, and I tried bribing her with gifts. But somehow I am the sole person responsible with mind reading. I didn't know I was Professor Xavier from X-Men.
I think this time, shes just being a bitch and she knows it. So fuck it. I'm gonna let her deal with explaining her actions to her friends tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow my mutant powers will kick in and I'll somehow magically know every little thought in her mind.
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| Its been two weeks. This rekindled fling that has lead me to realize that you and I just weren't meant to be.
It's not you, it's me. Fuck it, it's you and it's ALL you. Good-bye, my dearest tobacco!
Wait....
I could never leave you. And the codependent mutual seduction continues...
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| im going out tonight, heres what i've got to say:
i am tired of this shit everyday. i am tired of people not noticing the things i do for them.
especially those who i love most.
and so for once, fuck them.
tonight is my night to shed all my anguish and ....
THIS time, i'm the one to leave you in the dark...
like how you've made me feel many times before.
you don't think, you don't listen, you don't even talk.
tonight... you don't exist.
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